Compassion lost ?

Have I lost out on my compassion ?

I have observed this many a times as I happen to stop at traffic lights. A guy on a scooter, a guy on a truck or tempo would probably shell out 10-20 bucks for the beggar, than someone like me, who sitting in his big truck would simply stare dead straight, not moved a nano millimetre at any level. And one in 500 times, if I am in that strange mood, I would rather be looking for change of one or two rupee coins than 10-20 bucks !

Am I to be ashamed of it ? I am certainly not, to admit.

So how did I reach here ? Was I not taught compassion ? As a child, I sure remember my parents preparing breakfast for all the kids at Blind School in Sector 26 Chandigarh. The kids sitting in order at the dining table saying a prayer in choir before the meal, and then me and my sister serving them breakfast. My parents would never miss an opportunity to make us realise, how lucky we were.

But where did all that softness in me go ? I still do my duty at Blind School, probably for my childhood connect with the place. But then what is between me and donation seekers/beggars/askers ? Is it that I see that as a sign of weakness and hence do not promote ? Endless times I have reprimanded those boys and girls at the traffic lights, to go work, than beg. Now, they probably just see it on my face - STONE COLD - one eye to eye contact, and they realise the futility of their effort and move on.

I was provided with good upbringing and good infrastructure to work. But then, it was I who had to work. Accomplishments in life were not served to me, it wasn't easy, I had to work for it, I had to journey for it; and am still at it. Maybe its my experiences during this journey, that have made me so. But then I am not even moved by the physically disabled ! How big of a difference does it make to my pocket to spare 10-20 bucks ? And if being miser is not the case, am I a victim of heightened capitalism ? That in quest to make my ends meet and do my will, some of my senses have gone numb !

I hope I realise what went wrong and where, or whether I am just so. For now, all this ramble is result of one silent observation at the traffic light.

I sure am lucky - my parents were and are right.

Good Day