Vaisakhi

Till 3 years, to me the day of Vaisakhi meant a day of prosperity and happiness…...WRONG… it meant a holiday. Historically speaking, you can Wikipedia it and shall get the religious angle to it – birth of Khalsa. Thought had been popping up for quite a while however I could never sum up the courage to do it. And the day it peaked, it so happened to be day of Vaisakhi 2009. I chopped off my hair and had a complete outlook change on this day 3 years back. The day of birth of Khalsa; I symbolically de-Khalsified myself. 

Looking back, it was something that I wanted to do and I did it. Did I do it for someone else? Did I do it under somebody's influence? Did I do it to get something ? NO. I did it because I wanted to....and I just wanted to. Yes there were turbulent 12 months post the deed, with all kinds of pressure tactics thrown at but it was a phase that went by. Today, I do not regret that I did it .....for otherwise, I certainly would have buried something within. 


BRIEF HISTORY LEADING TO EVENTS - Our family always had an eccentric environment....... yea thats not exactly the kind of note you would expect someone to start with, but so it is. It was an environment of fear, fallacy, boredom and dictatorship with my father at the helm of affairs. I am the youngest in the family and come 7th in the great line of ALL SISTER siblings.

THEN

My father was born and brought up in my paternal grand village. I really don't have much to share on his early days, but yes once in a while he would definitely come up with a strong line or two, which his mother (my granny) would say. My granny has often been referred as a KAPPATTI (very harsh, strict) by many relatives at large. Of the 7 of us, only my eldest sister has had the privilege of being taken care of by her; which I hear, granny did zealously. The setup was hardcore Jatt sikh farmer family in transformation phase; moving out of the village. With time the whereabouts & surroundings of the family changed, but the environment within didn't. Male dominated as crazy. My grand dad Sardar Udey Singh used to drive a taxi in Calcutta (a popular trend with Punjabi's those days) while my father used to tend to the land in village, under harsh observation of my grandmother Basant Kaur. Those were the developing years of his life and that is all I can say about them. Because the concept of "Father-Son TALK" is non-existent in Jatt sikh families, the write up would be devoid of any further details. Later my father joined up with my grandfather at Calcutta, and ended up working for VOLTAS and AARCO (both air-conditioning companies). In early sixties, he moved his family to the upcoming wasteland at Himalayan foothills, designed by an Angrez called Le-Corbusier. 

The kids started coming in and the grands left, leaving the share between my father and his brother. The baton of the family could only be left to the son, to carry the lineage further. So was the concept in those days and so it is now, but in a more diluted/hypocritical form. The awareness levels have changed, the education standards have risen, the lifestyle has become more west oriented....... but then again, we change only with our comfort. Back then it was a matter of pride, a sense of completion for the family. It is abnormal to find someone from our clan not eating meat and drinking alcohol and with the count of girlchild going up to 6 - me father finally lend his ear to a learned man who advised him to let go of his taste deburtures and be a true Sikh. And so it happened that I came in. Just as in the movie 3 Idiots..... five minutes into my birth...... my father declared, "MY SON WOULD BE A DEVOUT SIIIIIKH".


HEIL FATHER was a phrase I learned over the years, as I was told what to do and what not to do. Clearly I was there for completion of my father's wishes. Growing up was turbulent, with you being herded like a flock of sheep. Somewhere somehow, I could gain a little perspective when after having flunked twice in 11th standard I dug myself in completely and cleared my engineering entrance with a comfortable margin. Now that opened the prospect of being THE MOST EDUCATED son within our family, while still, I was fulfilling someone else's wish. The 4 years of engineering course gave me the much sought distance from his rule and I could sense a lot many things within. I was in the 2nd year of course, when I popped the question of chopping my hair, to which I had a good verbal reprimand and thanks to my father's contacts, had a mighty session on sikhism by our principal - Dr. D S Bedi. Not feeling like a sheep bulldozed into submission, I won Mr. Chandigarh title in year 2002 - my first own thing. Engineering happened much to everyone's relief, given the amount of re-appears I had at one time and I finally was a certified graduate. 

   

NOW

2004; my introduction to the professional world was typical Gill style..... appallingly messy. I was in for a shock and it was no amazement that my first heated argument happened with my father within days of my joining in. It is such a different world out there and you are so expected to do things which you might not want to do.....but since I was dependent, I had to bow - but something within remained. Now I can say that all the grind was worth it, as it left me only stronger. 2006 I made my move on the professional front and got associated with DAIKIN, the chapter of my life which gave me the much sought breathing space. It has been a rollercoaster ride ever since and I have not been able to take stock of the past as I find it to be a futile effort. The financial independence gave me the courage to unleash the real me, to do what I wanted to, as and when. The bars from drinking, non-vegetarianism were gate crashed, biking expeditions to Ladakh were done, a motorcycle was bought (which I was never allowed to ride for the fear that the only son might hurt himself)....and as it was, after having completed one longed desire it was time for next and next and next, until I came across hair shear. My mind would be juggling with all possible scenarios, and sick of it there would be days where I would say FUCK ALL I am doing it, and then something would  put a doubt in me. It goes without saying that my father's ego was to take a major hit, but so went along a parallel thought that what if I look ugly....and then I would have completely lost it. But everytime this desire in me would rise and subside, one by one I went about setting my priorities clear as to why I wanted it and what I sought from it. It so happened that the kick off occured when I had gone to Delhi for some family work and by the time I started my return, I was clear that I wanted it and it was going to happen.

The sun rose on Tuesday 14th April 2009, just like any other day. I was silent, by myself, not wanting to talk to anybody - unwilling to give out my intentions. It occured to me that it was Vaisakhi that day (the birthday of KHALSA), but the task at hand reined supreme as I chose to keep Vaisakhi on backburner. Then around noon, Randeep Singh calls up (my bud from 10th standard) to catch up over lunch whereby he informed that he had invited Pavtej Singh too (another friend from 9th standard). I could never have said no to this, and I made special effort to not give away my thoughts over the interaction. As we parted my thoughts were - this was probably going to be my last interaction with them as a SARDAR. Being a Tuesday, most of the salons in the city were closed as people dont get their hair cut on Tuesday's, in this part of the world. But I was not to be deterred. I dont know what kind of support I was looking for...maybe some kind of re-assurance....I called up my friend Aarti. Tress Lounge in Sector 9 Chandigarh was open, as me and Aarti made our way in for the makeover of my life........probably!




Two hours down the line... couple of hundred bucks poor......I walked out weighing at least a Kg less. The thing was done and I was glad. A start it was and I was soon to be faced by my family and the HURRICANE my father would hit me with. And hit I was hit with everything, every imaginable kind of pressure over a good period of time......but in the end, I had done what I had to do causing no harm to no one. So was it a rebellion against the religion ? No, I have nothing against it just that I dont intend to be pushed and pulled around.




In the end, was it worth it ???      -  Yes, Sir